Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (NIV)I have decided to forgive those who have hurt me in this crisis in my life.
I have known for a long time that I needed to get to this point. But, I just couldn't seem to get there.
The anger, pain, and hurt has been so overwhelming and intense that it would just take over. And there were times I did not have the emotional energy or strength left to fight it.
But, now that I know that my life is taking a different turn and one that I never thought it would take, I know I need to take this step of forgiveness.
I am tired of all the anger. I am tired of the heavy weight of hurt and pain bearing down on me. I am tired.
I need to move forward, and in order to do that, I need to release that heavy weight. The best way to do that is to choose to forgive.
I know that God, in his infinite wisdom, asks us to forgive because He loves us and knows that is what is best for us. Forgiveness is for our own benefit, and not for the benefit of the one we are forgiving. We can be free.
The person I was before this crisis was optimistic, content, easy going and always believing the best. I miss that person.
But that person also was too trusting, too naive and too easy going.
The person I am becoming is re-gaining her sense of optimism and contentment, but she is stronger, smarter, wiser. I like her.
I know that forgiveness is a process.
Over the weekend, I made this decision to forgive, and it was not easy. When I prayerfully made that decision and asked for the strength to do it, I have felt lighter and much more positive.
But, that decision continues to be tested. So many times since then, something has reminded me and triggered my ongoing intense pain, anger, and hurt. Those emotions will still take some time to heal. And they will never fully disappear.
So, I know that I need to forgive again and again and again and again. I need to continually make that choice, day by day, minute by minute.
It is very hard. But, it is for me. And I am worth it!
