Be strong and take heart

I am struggling today with finding balance between the strength and resolve I had been finding within myself, and recent challenges I have received about my choices and behaviors.

I am in a situation in which I have been wronged. There is no question about that.

And in the process of recovering and healing from this, I have found an inner strength within myself that I did not know I had.

But, in order to tap into that strength, I have had to focus on myself. That was and is difficult for me. My life has revolved around caring for others.

So, over the course of this past weekend, it was pointed out to me, on several separate occasions, that I have made choices that reflected characteristics of being unkind, judgemental, and selfish.

When these things were pointed out to me, each time I was taken aback, because I had not seen it at all myself.

It is not my nature to simply dismiss feedback like this. I need to process this, because if there is truth in it, I want to change it.

And, in processing this, for some reason, it feels that the inner strength and resolve has withered away to nothing. I don't know why. I just know I can't seem to find it right now, even when I do the things that helped me tap into that before.

How do I respond to the person who is causing me tremendous pain in a way that is kind, non-judgemental, and unselfish? How do I do that and maintain my inner strength and resolve?

It feels impossible. When my heart softens towards this person, even a little, I feel weak, and vulnerable, and afraid.

I find this very confusing right now.

I am praying for clarity and guidance to find the balance I seek and to respond to this person as He would want me to, while still being strong.

Psalm 27
Of David.
1The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,a
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
6Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8My heart says of you, “Seek hisb face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
10Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11Teach me your way, O Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
13I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

Lord, I am waiting for you and ask that you will guide me with my questions and struggles this day. Help me to be strong and to take heart in You.