Success Number Two

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am writing about some of the successes I have had in coping with and overcoming a crisis in my life in the past year. The second success I am acknowledging for myself is that during this past year,

I did not do anything irrational or stupid, even in the face of betrayal and abandonment.

I am very proud of myself for this.

It is not that I wasn't tempted, or did not want to.

Many, many, many days I would fantasize about what I wanted to do to seek revenge on those who had hurt me, or would run through scenarios in my mind of what I would do or say if given an opportunity...

I am thankful such an "opportunity" did not happen. I likely would have regreted my actions and words, and made an already unbearable situation much worse.

I remember when I first realized what was happenening in my life. During those first days and weeks of that sickening realization coming into focus in my mind.... that what I thought could never, ever happen to me was happening.... my first instinct was to pray. I am so thankful that I been grounded in a deep and lasting faith that took root during this time.

I will never forget that in those early, dark days there was one thought that kept coming to me over and over again: "You must stay above reproach". I knew that I needed to not lower myself to the level of others in my life. I knew that my kids needed me to be smart and wise in how I handled the situation.

So I prayed. I found a support system in which I could be anonymous and yet vent and cry and rage and know I was not alone. Some very wonderful, dear, and wise people guided me through what to do when I could not even think straight. I had a plan. I was not helpless. And, I was not alone.

I maintained my dignity.

I maintained my integrity.

I maintained my honour.

I maintained my faith.

And, I gained some wonderful, amazing friends and a new perspective on myself. I will forever be grateful for those people and for all I have learned and gained.

I don't have to be filled with regret and remorse. I can hold my head high and feel good about myself. I didn't handle things perfectly. I made mistakes. But, considering the situation, I can be proud of myself.

That is success!